we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
