he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
