Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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