TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
