i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize