You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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