The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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