is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
