My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
