I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
