I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't deserve a penis
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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