i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
