the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
