On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
