so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hippo gnu deer
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
