i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize