Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
