Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
