Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize