dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
