Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
