There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
