Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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