Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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