She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
