I am puke
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
