This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
