Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
People with herpes should wear stickers.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
