Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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