I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
