Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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