I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
