Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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