so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
