do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize