if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
