I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
