We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
