Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
