you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
