apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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