I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
