I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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