so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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