My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
