bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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