Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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