4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize