; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I checked into jail on foursquare
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize