i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
