Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
