he thought i was a dude.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
