I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
