Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My balls are so social today.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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