Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
