I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize