I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
