she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
