New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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