he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
