Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
