I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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