feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
